“Tiisin Mo Na Lang?” — Why Trauma and Mental Health Are Hard to Talk About in the Filipino Community By Juen Arzadon, AMFT/APCC

Juen Marc Arzadon
Jun 29
3 min read

If you're Filipino—or raised in a Filipino household—you’ve probably heard phrases like:

“Tiisin mo na lang.”“Huwag ka na lang magsalita.”“Kaya mo ’yan, wag kang mahina.”

Filipino Community therapist in California

These words may sound familiar, even comforting to some. But for others, they carry a weight we often don’t talk about.

In my work as a Filipino therapist in California, I meet many clients who carry heavy emotional pain—but feel they have to be strong, silent, and selfless. Let’s talk about why trauma and mental health can be so hard to address in our community—and why it’s time we start.

Cultural Silence Runs Deep

Filipino culture is rich in resilience, family loyalty, and faith. These are strengths we should be proud of. But sometimes, these same values make it hard to speak up about our emotional struggles.

We’re raised to be mahinhin (modest), to avoid hiya (shame), and to maintain pakikisama (harmony), even at the cost of our own emotional well-being. Showing emotion, especially “negative” ones like anger or sadness, can be seen as weakness—or worse, disrespect.

So we keep it in. We smile. We cope silently. And we survive—but not always in a healthy way.

Trauma Doesn’t Always Look Like Trauma

When people hear the word "trauma," they often think of war, abuse, or major accidents.

But trauma can also look like:

Growing up with parents who were emotionally unavailable
Being told to “just pray it away” when you were anxious or depressed
Being made to feel guilty for saying “no” or setting boundaries
Feeling invisible in your own home because of utang na loob
Being raised to put others first—even when you’re hurting

And if you’ve ever felt like you’re “too emotional,” “too sensitive,” or “not enough”—you’re not alone. These are often the quiet scars of trauma that never got talked about.

The Filipino-American Experience: A Double Pressure

Many Filipino immigrants and second-gen Filipino-Americans also carry the added pressure of assimilation.

We’re often taught to work hard, stay quiet, and don’t rock the boat. Our parents or grandparents may have sacrificed so much for us to be here, so it can feel selfish to even admit we're struggling.

But here’s the truth: silence doesn’t heal wounds. It hides them. And what we don’t heal often gets passed down.

So What Does Healing Look Like?

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting your past or blaming your family. It means:

Naming your emotions instead of hiding them
Learning how trauma may be showing up in your relationships or decisions
Breaking generational cycles of silence and guilt
Setting boundaries without shame
Reconnecting with your authentic self, not just who you were told to be

And you don’t have to do it alone.

Let’s Break the Silence, Together

I see you. I understand how hard it is to reach out when your culture has taught you to carry it all. But healing starts the moment we stop pretending we're okay when we're not.

If you’ve been feeling anxious, disconnected, exhausted—or like no one really understands what you’re carrying—please know: There is nothing wrong with you. Your feelings are valid. And support is available.