When Strength Becomes a Cage: Mental Health and Masculinity in the Filipino Community.

“Tiis lang.”

“Lalaki ka, wag kang iiyak.”

“Kaya mo ‘yan. Be strong.”

“Tiis lang.”

 “Lalaki ka, wag kang iiyak.”

 “Kaya mo ‘yan. Be strong.”

We’ve heard these phrases since we were boys—whispers from our elders, unspoken rules in our homes, and loud echoes in our culture.

As Filipino men, we’re taught that strength means silence, endurance, and pushing through pain without complaint.

But what if that version of strength is quietly breaking us?

The Cultural Code of Masculinity.

Growing up in a Filipino household—or serving in environments like the military—we’re often praised for being “matatag,” or resilient. While resilience can be a virtue, it becomes harmful when it means shutting down emotionally, suppressing pain, or pretending we're okay when we're not.

In many Filipino families, expressing emotion (especially for men) is often seen as weakness. Vulnerability is discouraged, and crying is treated as shameful. And so, generation after generation, many of us learn to bottle things up—to suffer in silence.

The result?

Unprocessed trauma.

Hidden depression.

Addiction.

Relationship breakdowns.

A deep loneliness that no one sees.

Masculinity Doesn’t Have to Mean Isolation.

True strength is not about pretending to be bulletproof. It’s about having the courage to face what’s inside—the fear, shame, anger, and sadness we’ve buried.

As a Filipino-American therapist and a U.S. veteran, I’ve worked with countless men who were told that therapy was for the weak. But I’ve seen firsthand how powerful it is when men finally give themselves permission to feel, speak, and heal.

Healing doesn’t make you less of a man. It makes you more of a human.

Unlearning Silence, Reclaiming Power

We need a new model of masculinity in our community—one that allows men to be seen not just as providers and protectors, but as whole beings capable of tenderness, grief, joy, and reflection.

If you're a Filipino man reading this, here’s what I want you to know:

• You don’t have to carry everything alone.

• You’re allowed to struggle and ask for help.

• Being vulnerable doesn’t make you weak—it makes you brave.

  
  

Let’s Redefine What It Means to Be Strong

It starts with us. Talking about mental health. Challenging toxic masculinity. Creating spaces where men can be real, not just tough.

Because strength is not the absence of emotion. Strength is choosing to break the silence, before it breaks you.

Need support? You’re not alone.I help Filipino men, veterans, and first-generation individuals navigate trauma, anxiety, addiction, and relationship struggles in a safe, culturally informed space.

Based in California | www.juenarzadonpsychotherapy.com